TibKat's Insight's

Is it alright to pursue or keep old flames as friends?


When two people have shared an intimate relationship and it then ends, can they come back to just being friends? My husband has been married a few times and has kept a relationship with his first wife over the years. Mind you, they have no children together, no reason to “stay connected” except that they have known one another since high school and through it all they have a special bond still to this day.

I am secretly thankful he doesn’t have this connection with any other ex, this one is hard enough for me to handle. One part of me admires him and his ability to keep this relationship over the years. Another part of me is a bit nervous and jealous about this ability to maintain such a close friendship through the years.

I have an ex and we haven't stayed friends, mind you, neither of us have pursued it. My life with my husband and children is wonderful ~ I only see him by my side. I just wonder am I missing out on something by not fostering my ex as a friend? I feel no animosity toward my ex. I wonder if we had ended the relationship on better terms, if we would still possibly be friends? He was at a very significant time in my life, my best friend. Maybe that truly is the hardest thing to have to get over, not the break up but that the friendship is gone.

People fall in and out of love all the time, in a marriage couples find themselves falling in and out through the years. The one through line that seems to be universal and help hold the relationship together through the highs and lows is the friendship. I propose that the friendship is the more intimate part of a relationship. I believe it may hurt the most when that friendship is gone.

So when the love of a relationship is over and that brings the end of a relationship, can just a friendship truly continue, or is there someone who is always holding on to a bit more? Finally, are those of us who do throw those relationships away and don’t look back ~ are we missing out on a deeper friendship and connection by eliminating those relations because the “love” we had is now gone?